Project Harmony Addresses Back to School Pressure

Children approach the beginning of the new school year with all kinds of feelings – and so do parents. As parents, we feel like we need to push, inspire, or motivate our children to excel. Some kids are great at processing and repelling these messages and others really take it to heart – maybe more than we had intended. How do you know if there is a problem and what can you do about it?

The first step is to listen for self-talk – or to elicit it if you are not hearing it, and then find a private time to explore. Self-talk gives us clues to how the child has made sense of what’s happening, or in what ways he/she is stuck with an overly negative, critical, or irrational explanation.

The next step is to look for ways to help the child calm down so they can think more clearly and in balance with their emotions. Do not try to talk the child out of their negative expressions or cheer them up. Instead, listen carefully for understanding and say it back. Then, help the child to evaluate the self-talk statements by providing “Helpful Other Thoughts.” It’s an invitation used to revise some of the negative self-talk, substituting more adaptive and effective words of encouragement.

Finally, listen to your own self-talk, your inner and outer dialogue as a parent or caregiver to this child. The way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice. This school year, Project Harmony (www.projectharmony.com) encourages parents to try to keep an eye on the pressure gauge.