Being a foster parent can be a rewarding and life-changing experience. It can also be a heart-wrenching one. People have many different motivations for becoming a foster parent, ranging from wanting to help a disadvantaged child to completing their own family to wanting to give back some of the love and belonging they feel they received from their own parents. If you are considering fostering, you should take some time to consider this decision and make sure it is the right one for you and your family. Here are a few questions you will need to consider:
Do I have a strong support system? Having an immediate family (spouse and parents) and extended family (siblings, friends, other relatives) who support you and your decision is critical. Being a foster parent can be very stressful at times and you will need people to listen to you vent, help you make decisions and provide the support you will mostly certainly need.
How do my own children feel about fostering? If you have children of your own, it’s critical that they fully understand what fostering means and how it will impact their lives. Your children’s lives will change when foster children are brought into the home and it’s of the utmost importance that you talk to them about it and that they are prepared for and accepting of the new situation.
What ages of children can I parent at this time? Is a baby right for you? Are you more suited to fostering a toddler or preschooler? Are you prepared to handle a pre-teen or teenager? Fostering a toddler is much different from fostering a teenager who has already been through five foster homes. Consider the ages of your own children and where another child would fit into your family. Are you prepared for the sleepless nights of a baby? Will your work schedule allow you to take an older child to and from school?
Are you a patient person? Are you willing to continually give and very rarely get anything in return, except for the knowledge that you are helping a family? Many children in the foster care system will have emotional and behavioral problems and a large reserve of patience and understanding is critical. If you go into the situation thinking the child you foster will reward you with gratefulness and unconditional love for ‘saving’ them, you are setting yourself up for failure.
Can you say goodbye? Foster care is not a permanent arrangement. The children will move on someday. Permanency is what you want for these children. However, you and your family will attach to the child and there is no way around it. Attachment is a good thing for both you and the child. If the child can attach and trust you, they will be able to do the same with others in their lives and this leads to a healthier future. However, attachment also makes saying goodbye much more difficult. Sometimes, you can remain in touch with the child after they leave your care and sometimes there are options for permanency (adoption). However, you must be prepared to say goodbye to your foster child when the time comes.
If you can say “yes” to most of these questions and have fully thought through and discussed the possibility with your family and support system, it may be time to contact a local agency that specializes in foster care and start the process of improving a child’s life.